The story has definitely changed. I'm hoping this is for the best, but I'm still unsure. I'll have to keep working through it and do some more revision before I'm ready to get any external opinions. Mary Rosenblum has offered to critique it, and I will definitely have her read it and give her thoughts.
I'll take one day off from "This Moment" and work on something else: "Fishing Trip", "Walls Of Stars" or both. They're both bugging me tremendously, which is a good thing. It means there's something to be written there.