I'll let it sit for a few days while I revise something else, and then return to it, but here's some initial thoughts.
This is the story that will be eventually submitted to an anthology for consideration. The anthology theme really kicked off an idea storm in my mind, so I decided to go ahead and run with it. The story went in a different direction than I originally thought it would, but it was interesting and definitely in line with what I'm trying to do with writing right now.
The various and sundry endings I was trying out aren't quite it, but there is an ending somewhere in all that mess, one that works for the character arc of the story. Repair will have to be done for the beginning (to set up everything) and the middle (to carry it through), but I think it is doable.
And, also more work will be needed on physical sensations from the character POV. I also should do some research into the character's job because it will help with making those details and the physical sense details more realistic.
Overall though, I think it's an intriguing story and some hard work should make it stronger. Strong enough to sell, who knows? But you don't know if you don't try.
