jeffsoesbe (jeffsoesbe) wrote,

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"Walls of Stars" first draft done

Finished up "Walls of Stars, Like Eyes" in a burst at Starbucks this afternoon. Did the remaining scene, the fifth scene with the party and Andre and Chelsea. There are bits of that scene I like (the arrival of the pilots, some of the Andre/Chelsea conversation), but overall I'm not too thrilled with it. But that's what first drafts are for!

It ended up at 5300 words, which is more than I expected. However, I know there's some "noodling about" slack in there which I can take out as I tighten up in the second draft. Tomorrow I'll print it out and do a copy read and see what I can do. I also know that I forgot the eyes! You can't have "Walls of Stars, Like Eyes" without the eyes! And, I'm thinking I'm going to have to write another song (the company song) or at least the start of one. Many changes to come...

I also had an interesting break on a story that's been a mental backgrounder for a while, called "Real Enuf 4 U". I have a situation I wanted the main character to be in, but I hadn't really figured out how to get him there. Today, I think I got it.

Here's what happened. A's new gymnastics school is in a mini-mall next to a place called "The Traditional Group". "TTG" is apparently some sort of rehab facility, as people in various states of "connected with the world"-ness meander in and out of there. Through the large front window, you can see the classic "chairs arranged in a circle" setup inside. Also, everyone hangs out at the back door landing/steps and smokes while talking animatedly on cell phones.

And that's when the story broke in my mind. The character is in rehab for a condition I made up based on future technology trends and is thus in the situation I wanted. The first line of the story has always been "The table is not a table." I will say no more because it's all preliminary, but I think "Real Enuf 4 U" just made it into the brain queue.
Tags: real enuf 4 u, walls of stars, writing

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