Each person rightfully felt that Carlo quickly becomes unsympathetic due to his overt snooping in Monta's apartment, and wanted him to gain knowledge in another way that kept him sympathetic and ended up in him being rewarded for good actions, not bad. They'd also like to see more interaction between Carlo and Monta.
And they're all correct. In my head, Carlo is sympathetic but also curious and friendly. That didn't come out on the page, but it's something that can come out in the next revision.
In other news, "Apologies All Around" went out to ANALOG yesterday, spurred on by Mary Rosenblum. I sent her the text of the "no" response from ANALOG on "This Moment" and she said (essentially) "He wants to see more, send Apologies to him right now". So, I did. I did minor revisions, to make the robot pester Winston a bit more and to complete Rachel's subplot, and off it went!
Also, Ken Scholes kindly offered to read something and comment. I gave him a choice of three ("Samsara", "Hunters" and "Old Town") and he chose "Hunters". I sent it to him with a couple pages of notes on what I would change, what I liked, and background. I'll be interested to see what he has to say.
My plan for next steps on other stories is shaping up (in order):
- First, revise "Game of Chase" and send to Bruce Taylor
- Revise "Fly Boy" and put it in the Critters queue
- Whenever Mary Rosenblum is ready for a trade, revise "Walls of Stars"
- Get "One Night with the Picture Lady" written, maybe for next SacSpec mtg (in three weeks!)
- Pick something for Orycon, reg deadline is September 15 (thinking either Samsara or Fishing Trip)
- After that, the current brain story queue is "Real Enuf 4 U", "Real Space", "Second Alien Battle", and "Now and Then".
- Viable Paradise in six weeks!!
As I said in some LJ comments, it's like Wile E. Coyote trying to cross the canyon. Just keep moving forward. Don't stop and look down.