jeffsoesbe (jeffsoesbe) wrote,

Viable Paradise: Day 5+1 (Saturday, Afternoon in Denver): Almost Home

Summary: I talk about being tired, about time dilation, and how much I think I suck at any given time during the day. Then I reflect upon it, and where I am as a writer. Oh yeah, I also talk about "Now and Then (Samoset and the Crow)"

I'm hanging out in Denver Airport waiting for the final leg, the flight to Sacramento, after which I will be home again. It will be nice to be home. It feels like it's been a long time since I was there, and yet it doesn't feel like I've been gone at all.

The time dilation inherent in an experience like Viable Paradise is really quite intriguing. First, I felt like it would never get here. Suddenly, it arrived. By about Tuesday, I felt like I'd been there forever. About late Wednesday / early Thursday, I realized it was almost over and the end was coming too fast. Now, I wonder to myself: Did it really happen? Was it merely a dream?

Part of it is the sheer sense of complete tiredness I now feel, the fact that I'm worn out physically and mentally. I still go through these waves of "I truly suck at this" and "time to get back to it", mixed in with "ok, what next?" I think that the biggest thing VPXI is going to end up causing for me is some form of mental reset. I had a conception of my stories and my writing as being in a certain place and now I realize now I'm not where I think I am. Certainly, the Mac/Blue story (I think the "Case of the Killer Dog" title) is going to have to be totally restructured. I think that I, myself, as a writer, will have to be restructured as well.

Here's the summary of my internal reflection: I can put words together, I can produce simple, clear text that contains characters, dialogue and a plot. I can build and world and express it in the story. I can do all those things in a story that ostensibly contains a conflict and a resolution. But it's all shallow, it's all slight. It doesn't mean anything, it's not deep into whatever character undergoes a change. Killer Dog is entertaining - it has entertaining augmented animals, an entertaining world, and a plot that moves to the end. But it is a shallow story, and this is expressed both in the ease of the "mystery" and the non-change of Mac. Thus, Killer Dog becomes an expression of me. I won't start on the redo right away, I'll let it sit. But I want to redo it within the next month or two. Until then, it's time to start writing new things.

On the plane, I worked on the homework Bear assigned me (sense of place for the beach) and put it in the context of the "Now and Then (Samoset and the Crow)" story. I did a scene on the beach from the point of view of Samoset and tried to incorporate the physical sense of place and to learn something about the character. It's interesting that I previously had thought of the story as told from the point of Crow. I think it's easier to learn something about Samoset from physical sense of place, but I still think Crow is the true antagonist. Maybe it's my first dreaded "multiple point of view" piece. In any case, I'll be working on this in the next two days so I can turn it in to SacSpecFic for Wednesday's meeting.

They are calling for boarding. It's time to go home.

Tags: travel, viable paradise, writing

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